Monday, September 27, 2010

god bless us everyone!

i want to thank god, that superior power. who ever it is.
probably this is going to be the worst phase of my life. but i sill want to thank you. because you gave me good and happy times also. i truly believe in the karmic cycle. i never did break anyone's heart. never made anyone cry. never wished anything bad for anyone. but still today, i am heart broken. i don't have an answer to that. and from now, i don't even wish to find one. i'll accept whatever life is throwing at me. at whatever pace.
i know that,

they say, all bad things happen for a reason.
but, no wise words gonna stop the bleeding.

a few days ago, my maid, pooja, who comes in every morning to do sweeping and cleaning of the house was sweeping the floor of my bedroom while i was in the hall having my breakfast almost ready to leave for work. it suddenly struck me that i had left my wallet on the bed in my room. and i came running to keep it safely, scared that she would try to steal money. but as soon as i entered the room i saw her in front of my bathroom door, sitting on the floor such as her back faced me. when i leaned over to look i was surprised to see that she was trying on my slippers. i was taken aback. and as she saw me she got kind of scared and she threw them away in shock. i just smiled at her assuring her that it is alright and walked out of the room.
later she came up to me in the hall and asked me if i was angry. i reassured her that i wasn't. and promised her to buy a similar par for her soon. just before leaving she said i was lucky. i just smiled as i didn't know what to say in return to that.

And sometime back when i was fighting with god for putting me through this, trying to end my life for loosing the love of my life to nothing but his ego, her face flashed in front of my eyes. and i was suddenly quiet. in this pain, when it feels like there is a huge hole in the place where my heart used to be, knowing all the love, energy,dreams have been flushed down in front of my own eyes, i still felt blessed. yes i do.

my dad always said life's never easy. it puts you through a lot of tests. it has its own way to make you realize your own strength. its a long long journey. and through thick and thin, you'll get to know who are the people you can call as family. there will be times when you would see your own self as a stranger. there will be days when u'll open your eyes and you will feel like the loneliest person alive. there will be times when you would feel nothing could be worse and it will prove you wrong yet again.

i know if someone truly loves you, he wouldn't let you go far away. he'll be just there when the world feels like its falling apart. he would be there to fix things up before its too late.

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