Sometimes its just so necessary to let go. and that is what i have done. At least, trying to.
Its so damn hard.
When for the past four (because it goes to before it ever started for you) years you've known nothing but that one person around you. parting from him is like loosing all your senses. you can't see whats around you anymore because you only prefer to live in the memories. you can't feel anything because the pain leaves you numb. you cant hear anything because the only voice you cherished sounds alienated. in fact everything single thing feels like it doesn't belong to you. you'll all by yourself.
you and i have been different. very different. and right from the start. and so has been the story of the evolution of our love. but something always told me that we'll turn out just fine for i knew i would do whatever it takes. but intuitions can be deceptive. at least for me. maybe i was being so loud just to suppress the truth. the actual inner voice. and now when i see you walking away from me... disappearing in that glittery mist...i still try to believe the words you say. but it tears me apart. its breaking my heart. And i have no one around. I have to deal with it all by myself. right or wrong, but, i have to make choices.
And this is what i know is best. for you and for me. because we never were 'we.' i don't know where my life is going to take me from here. because really, I've hardly made any choices for myself. i always accepted what was offered to me.
i would never ever blame you. because there is no point in blame games. i dont entirely regret the time spent with you. from start to finish, you were the man of your words. i couldn't get myself to change your ideology. and in a way i am happy that i did not. at least there are a few of you who just don't pretend. although it breaks my heart but i'll sincerely try to respect it.
Today, when i looked at the picture of your passion purple. i couldn't see it. all i could see in it was your shadow trying to click the picture. and i longed to see the twinkle in your eyes when you would've seen it for the first time. just like when you saw the camera. and then it struck me. the reality sets in. and there are zillion images of you and me in my mind. so, i know its never going to be easy. but ill fight it. ill struggle.
Because struggling to forget you is still a lot easier than being with you and struggling to make you remember me.
adios.
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