hollow

sometimes you just don't understand life. it seems so unfair. and no one treats you the way they should. everything seems like going wrong at once. And its always the people you expect the most from who let you down. yesterday i met a long lost friend and she told me how life throws signals at you. in its own way. but we are so consumed that we don't notice them. and when everything starts to fall apart, it all comes back to you....whatever you had neglected along the way. its funny though that people you care for wont care for you and the ones who care for you, you wouldn't care for them.

We are all very selfish beings. we want what we want. and the mere thought of not having what you want drives you mad. it gets the worst out of you. some people will never treat you the way you should be treated. and they probably might be the ones who mean more than yourself to you.

It is remarkable, the ability of the human heart and mind to get attached to someone without even knowing if the other person values you the slightest. Also, the human nature to pretend.

Lately, I have come across people who have been mistreated due to this. mistreated in a way, that there belief is entirely shaken. In a way that their innocence is lost forever. In a way that they will never feel whole again.

And i know it can happen to anyone. it can happen to me.

But the question is despite knowing everything can I be wise enough to detach myself from everything. will it be like getting scared and running away or will it be just pure wisdom and caution.

I guess i cant decide that. A lot of things have happened to me and surprisingly, for most of them i wonder why. its not suppose to be like this. they say, everything happens for a reason. something somewhere has terribly gone wrong with me and i cant figure out what that is. maybe the answer's with in me but i don't know what will it take for me to know it.

The people who are supposed to be closest to me think that everything's perfect for me and all this is just unnecessary depression. i wonder if someone can actually see me. other than me.

i am thankful to you god that i have a house to live in. a car to drive around in. a family to celebrate occasions with. a lover to share my feelings with. friends to hangout with. but, then how come i am sitting here all alone...hurting...unable to control my tears and no one knows.

and these are the times when everything seems meaningless.