Saturday, December 1, 2012

BitterSweet Symphony :)

here i am. once again, after months of highs and lows trying to decode the same old heart and its worries.
this post marks another phase of my life. the road, definitely not less traveled but still unaware of its destination.
music has forever been and forever will be the central and most integral part of my life and probably that explains the sudden and recent changes in my life. the only thing is how to trust your heart and even the stuff you most believe in? what is the evidence that it wont trick you? clearly, none. then why does one still goes spellbound under its influence and the broken heart dares to dream again? it cant be hope. hope has been thrashed and that too, more than once.
it has to be a different connect or a connect at a whole different level.
I just want to put a rest to all the thoughts in my head and hum along this beautiful bitter sweet symphony and then if destiny let it be, make it the most beautiful song of my life :)

Friday, May 11, 2012

The biggest irony of life

once again, i get too lonely. how am i ever suppose to understand my own self. to be distant from everyone is what i want. and when they are all gone, the silence pricks me deep. you know what your heart longs. but also the realization that you will never touch the surface of it, something that is embedded in you. ironical but true.
something that you allow to crawl in to you and seep in deep knowingly that it is just existing in your world and not the universe. and you fight. with your heart and soul, to make your world real and not the universe. before you will ever know, the identity is lost. it is neither your world now nor the universe. you become everyone's enemy and especially of the ones you crave. to cut open your heart to the eye of the stranger is your fearlessness. but what you don't realize is this bravery invites fear of a lifetime. you become the biggest hypocrite you will ever see. you stop residing in your own heart and soul. you are the stranger and you are your own enemy now. the world will continue to move around you but your existence will be seized in that strangeness. all you will feel is the frozen cold, with so much warmth inside you ready to explode but you will still search the source of it. this is the biggest irony.
your wishes and desires are limitless. your thoughts know no boundary. your love deep like an ocean and the craving to serve is abundance. still, you will be the rock that gives no one no happiness or any reason for anything. you will watch the world with your strange and still eyes, till it disappears with the world with in.
you make everyone strong and provide them with the strength they need, but, where will you ever find the strength to confront your own pain? perhaps, never. you will search for the source of it, which was borne into the universe much before your existence. blame it on me and you will, for the warmth that shall never evaporate the frozen. sure, soon enough the chill might frozen the warmth.

Friday, April 20, 2012

the tunnel phase

sometimes being alone seems the worst thing. and in this span of time, everyone you meet seems to have the best time of their lives. don't really know how much of this is true but the fact remains that it sucks from the inside.
i just fail to understand that how at every moment the way you feel differs. at one moment you're so awesome and the next you are sulking so bad that you wish no one could even see you. and where does these signals come from in the first place?
is it bollywood movies?
or love birds songs?
or ur fav sitcom couple splitting?
or some mushy story?
or ur friends getting married?
or the happily ever afters?
whatever it might be, it really sucks! does everyone at some point goes through this phase in their lives? or is it just me?
okay it is really hard to say it out loud but i have screwed up everything. the relationship with my parents, my friends. everything. and i dont even know why i am just going on like this! i mean there will some way out of this whole web, right?

Sunday, April 15, 2012


its always after a long time i feel like writing again. but, this time i was wondering if i should really leave alone this blog and start a new one being this the new year and all and also considering the fact that i had almost given myself into believing that i had lived one part of my life which i will never smudge into. soon enough i realize that you never live life in parts and even if you chose to look at it that way, you're just shutting your eyes. the life you have lived never disappears.
And i am not saying this because i choose to exist in the past or am haunted by it or something. but things really never go away. the situations, similar situations keep coming back to you or right in to you and if you're eyes are shut, trust me you will occur in the very same way you once did.
hence, wise enough would be to be present to your own past and try to see what you did that didn't work for you. it helps.
so i have decided to stick to this one for the rest of my life. also, here's something that i want to take up. i know that i really don't feel right these days. at all. but i would go back to the happy-go-lucky-me. i sooo miss me. i really do. and all the crazy things i have done. i want to do them again. and many more. i wont let my life become any boring. and i give up worrying at this moment. cautious or not cautious....i landed up here. love, heart break, loneliness, friends, workload, happiness, tears, boredom, bosses..amidst all this i won't just survive..i'll LIVE!!